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Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Katniss Everdeen, Agony Aunt

Dear Katniss,
I think that I like this boy, but I am not sure. He looks at me funny, and I think that he is interested because he follows me around school, but then he pretends that I make him sick. I am trying not to like him, but that just makes me like him more. Help!

You don't have time for this passive-aggressive shit. He clearly doesn't have a good or mature head on his shoulders if he keeps trying to play games. At best, he is confused and needs to grow up. At worst, he is a stalker who will murder you in your sleep, or worse, strip you of your identity, knock you up, and make you choose him over everything else you love. Don't be that girl.

Dear Katniss,
I hate my mom. Should I rebel against her?
Sooooo maaaaaad

Dear Entitled Asshole,

My mom went into a depressed near-vegetative state when my father died in a ghastly coal mining explosion. Instead of running away, I stayed and took care of her and my starving sister.

I think that you are misreading my story. It is not about rebelling when things do not suit you. That is how our dystopic present got started. True, there are paralells to the American Revolution, what with the thirteen districts and insane tyrant who curtails liberty, but unlike the real American Revolution, the rebels are fighting for basic human rights, not entitlements.

No, my story is about a girl has had adulthood prematurely thrust upon her shoulders and must survive in a hostile world by any means necessary. I found that preserving my identity was a luxury, that, ironically, became a necessity to my survival.

Unless your mom is trying to make you kill your siblings in order to maintain power in your family via the method of fear, you should probably work things out like an adult before you ruin someone's fucking life.



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